somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
