WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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