32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
