Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
