i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize