walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
