some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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