That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
