you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
