Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize