I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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