On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
