Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
