i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
