remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
