have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
