your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
