Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
