my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
