yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
