He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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