her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize