shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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