K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
