She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
