i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
