We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
