fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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