so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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