He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
