Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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