I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
