Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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