Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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