highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
