I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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