I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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