im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
