I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
