All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
