I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
