Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize