Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Randomize
