that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
