He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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