i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
