I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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