Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
