why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
