I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
