I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
