i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
