your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
