Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
