just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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