WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
