Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
