It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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