hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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