ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize