so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
