if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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