when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
