She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
