The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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