At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize