Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
