I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
