what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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