I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
