You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
