the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize