Just cropdusted the office
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
