Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
