hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
