What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
