I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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