You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
