Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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